Spill my tea on… Friendship

Have you ever had that feeling of knowing you could have had a great friendship with someone, but that person always keeps some kind of distance? I certainly do. I know and have known several awesome people, who I really connect with. Unfortunately it never grew into a real friendship, despite the fact that I feel like it really could be. Which often means that this feeling is onesided unfortunately. Someone once said to me “if someone really wants to see you, they will make sure they see you.” This helped me a lot. I think we all have that person in our lives who keeps saying ‘Yeah, we should definitely hang out!’ without anything happening. I used to be very persistent and keep trying to make that person hang out with me. But I don’t anymore. If someone really wants to see you, they make sure they see you.

But I have been on the other side as well. I’ve kept my distance. And I’m sure I still do sometimes. Which I regret often, but I have no idea how to fix that part of me. As Robbie Williams sings so beautifully: “Before I fall in love, I’m preparing to leave her.” I think the same goes for me. I remember having a chat with a coworker several years ago, she told me she was terrible at friendships. Keeping them and starting new ones. She told me she was hurt before and now she was very careful about who to trust. I felt for her. But now years later, I realise that I am exactly the same. Some people have the same friends their whole lives. Like my husband! He and his best friend have known eachother since they were kids. That’s awesome! I never had that kind of friendship. I have known the best people and I had amazing friends back in the day, but we all grew apart. It doesn’t help that I moved away quite often.

Recently, I rekindled a friendship with someone I lost touch with for a while and I’m so happy about that. I made some nasty friendship mistakes in the past, I’m sure. But I’m making a serious effort not to make them again. Friendship is a wonderful thing, but it can be difficult too. Friends are so important to me, since I haven’t got much family around. I am not the best in being a good friend, but I try and I learn. So, here’s what I know about friendship so far:

  • Never ask for anything in return for your friendship. It should be a gift, not an obligation.
  • Only give advice when asked for it.
  • Always be open about the reason behind your actions. An honest explanation can prevent so much negativity.
  • Listen to learn and remember things. It’s so nice to give someone a birthday present they really want, but never asked for. Or to text someone a few thoughtful words on a difficult (or very happy) day.
  • Be supportive and helpful. Share important messages, tell people about their business if you think it may help them or bring over a bag of groceries when they’re sick.
  • Be nice. People often think it’s cool to call eathother names for fun. Lets just make an end to that.
  • Express their importance to you, once in a while.

How important is friendship to you? And what is your golden rule for being a good friend?

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